just a thaught

I’m starting to wonder, this week all I’ve craved for were pancakes, I just wanted the plain old fashion ones my mom used to make from betty crockers mix n maple syrup. But since I’ve found that absolutely no where..i decided to go for ready made pancakes..heres the thing..for a week every day I craved (kaya orang hamil ngidam gitu ampe kebayang baying rasanya)n heres the thing………..

After 9 days of this stupid pancake craving at 7.25 tonight I had my plate of pancakes at Pancious ..sakin gw kepengen banget I asked for triples..n here goes first spoonful great, indulging with lots of mayple..the 2nd the 3rd the fourth and I wanted to barf!!!!!!! I hated it I hated the after taste the smell the everything..n I just wanted to go home. N the bipolar me felt like crying cuz I realy wanted to eat that, but once I did I hated it..

C, I have just came to understand that this always happens…every time I want something sooo bad, when its in my hands or face to face with me…I DON’T WANT IT!!! N as a matter of fact I build this strong hatred towards it!!

There was this dress, I really loved, all silky n retroey n elegant n shit, d jakarta waktu itu model dress kaya gitu blm masuk, so I downloaded n looked for online stores n all that crap..couple months from then there was this one shop that sold it … I wanted it soo bad it took me 3 days to make up my mind whether to go for pinkish purplish or greenish yellowish one..once I bought it..everyone was like that’s so hot …but when I wore it (which of course I saved for a very special event ) I looked at the mirror n I hated it..i looked ugly n stupid in it. Since that encounter with the mirror n my never worn dress..it has been isolated in the deepest part of my closet still with the label n price. never touched again. I don’t even wanna see it.

Theres this thing whenever I want something soooo bad not only things yah, like even meeting people or situations or get togethers..when I end up there or with it or them..the fire doesn’t burn!! it actually goes off!!

It Dies and its killing me cuz I don’t want it like that!!
*****
Is it the chase?

Is it the crave?

Is it wanting something soo long n soo bad that when u get it doesn’t feel good anymore?

Nothings amusing even the things that are longed for.
All that glitters, Isn’t gold after all.
And that leaves me wondering why???

ARRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!